Written by Katie Chan
Transformational life coach and entrepreneur Kapil Gupta FRSA works with individuals who want to better their personal lives and relationships, to feel emotionally fulfilled, after undergoing a journey of personal growth himself. In this article, we find out about Kapil’s experiences, how he changed his life and how he aims to help others to do the same.
You have lived a significant lifestyle change for the past 6 years. What was the turning point for you?
I think it was a build-up over some time. Towards the end of 2010, my wife and I separated. I was living in Edinburgh and completing my MBA. It was a time of change. Later on, I moved to London, got a better job that made a lot of money. I was living this bachelor lifestyle, and over the next two years, I was doing all these things that were supposed to make me happy. And on a surface level, life was good, but there was this sense of emptiness. I started to explore what else I could do to experience life in a way where I could gain that sense of happiness back.
I also wanted to understand how relationships worked! It wasn’t an instant decision, but over a couple of years, I got into this mindset of really wanting to change my life. Through some personal growth work, I became aware of just how disconnected I was, and the past 6 years have been a journey to understanding how I was living my life, and underneath, what I wanted. How I was showing up to others, whether through work, my friend circle or my intimate life.
Can you tell us a bit about what you do? What is the most rewarding aspect of what you do now?
I work with people who have been on a path of achievement and success, and who have got to a place where they can say “I’ve made it” in the professional world, but simultaneously sense something is missing. It comes from my experience of being in the corporate world for over fifteen years. I work with people who have gone through similar experiences in life. The programme I have created is ‘Performance to Presence’, to help others realise life does not have to be performance-based. Before I started this personal growth, my life ‘ticked’ all the tick boxes. But, I still felt that internal satisfaction was lacking. I don’t have that anymore. I live every moment of my life with this deep sense of fulfilment and joy. When you learn how to be present in the ‘out of control’, it’s amazing.
What I love about working with people now is when they see that spark in themselves. That “oh wow!” moment where the lightbulb turns on. I can’t do the work for them, so I work as a guide. When people have this moment, their life changes, and it’s the most satisfying feeling you can have. I love working with people so that they can see this change, I can feel them settling into their body and starting to live their life from that point on – I think that’s the most fulfilling feeling that I continue to have.
What’s the value of the relationship between mind and body in relation to maintaining a healthy and successful lifestyle?
It’s paramount. It’s critical!
A lot of us are living life in a way where we live purely from a place of rationality, which is very mind-focused. We are very disconnected from our intuition, and intuition comes from our body. To live a fulfilling life, we must have a connection between our mind and body and listen to what our feelings and emotions are, and move forward following that.
There’s even been research done now about how our gut has its very own brain! That gut feeling is a really important thing, and most of us ignore that. We live a very dry lifestyle where we just go with the rational side of our brain; separate from our intuitive feelings. In my experience, it is one of the most critical things, to have congruence between mind and body, to have a satisfactory and full life.
Do you face challenges in your daily life now, either personally or when coaching clients?
Of course. It’s a process.
I’m now married again, and how we live our relationship has completely changed. Our relationship is based on a new paradigm; telling each other the truth in every moment. We are continuously growing and connecting, it’s very much growth and practice-based. So that continues to challenge me, but I know now how to work with these challenges that used to torture me in the past. I would say that humour and curiosity are the two most important things when it comes to personal growth.
Life continues to throw challenges at us because life is uncertain! We don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, the only thing we can change is how we deal with that uncertainty.
With clients, the biggest thing I find is that not everyone is ready to embrace change. Inevitably when you’re changing long-term habits, you have to go through some initial pain. Getting used to the discomfort of change is what I find the most challenging for people to realise, especially with men. Whilst you’re so attached to this idea of achieving and success, you don’t want to hear anything else.
What advice would you give to people who have achieved success but feel they are lacking something in their life?
I think for me, it was this question someone asked – what’s the cost of not living the life that you’ve always wanted? I think we get into this idea that “I should be doing this because if I do this, my family will be happy. My social circle will look at me and say, he’s looking good.” However, there is a cost to this; and this cost is the life that could have lived.
So that is my advice. What is the cost? You need three things to change. First, you need some kind of mentor, to guide you where you can’t see your blind spots. Secondly, you need some kind of network, a community of people where you can find support if you are changing your life in a significant way. And third, you need some kind of method of training or a new mindset of thinking.
I would also say that if you think you’re not ready, then just be happy where you are!
More information can be found at https://www.nibana.life/.
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